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Can children strengthen their limb muscles at home?

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Source: Registered Physiotherapist, Hui Wing Yee

Children have a heavy academic workload and spend more time at home, losing many opportunities to exercise. However, the development of children’s limb muscles is very important, and some stretching exercises for the waist and upper limbs can be done at home.

The first set of exercises is the lunge and twist, which helps to exercise the core muscles and lower limb muscles. First, open your feet to hip width, place your hands on both sides of your body, step out with your right foot to maintain a 90-degree angle on both knees, open your hands with palms facing forward, slowly turn to the right, and hold for two seconds. Then return to the original position with hands hanging down, repeating on both sides ten times.

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The second set of exercises is quadruped limb raises. These exercises help strengthen our back and limb muscles. If possible, use a yoga mat to avoid putting pressure on your knees. First, start on all fours with your hands shoulder-width apart and your knees hip-width apart. Lift your right hand and left leg straight out, creating a horizontal line. Tighten your back and abdominal muscles, hold for two seconds, then switch to your left hand and right leg. Alternate between both sides for a total of ten reps.

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How do parents show love to their children?

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Source: Parenting Education Specialist, Ken Sir

Parents may worry that expressing too much love to their children will spoil them and therefore do not know how to express love to them. Generally speaking, Chinese are more introverted and often dare not express their love. Especially when you originally wanted to express that you were very worried about your child, it often turns into another attitude.

Once, I saw a mother and her child get lost in Shatin and then reunite. What was the mother’s behavior like after the reunion? She grabbed the child’s hand and hit him while saying, “I couldn’t find you earlier; do you know how scared I was? I was so worried. What would I do if I didn’t find you?”

In fact, everyone knows that the mother loves her child, but the child doesn’t feel it. I often share an example during lectures to express love. When I was young, my father ordered a drink, but because money was tight, he asked the waiter to bring an extra cup after ordering one hot drink. He kept pouring the drink back and forth in front of me, trying to cool it down quickly so that the child wouldn’t burn his mouth and could drink it faster. But I found that when children ask their parents or when I asked many students’ parents, they would answer, “This will make it cool faster.”

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When responding to children, parents should express their feelings at the deepest level: “I love you; why would I do this if I didn’t love you? Am I doing it for someone else? For another child? So in fact, there are many things in our lives that can express love, but there is one thing that must be remembered. If you are afraid of being overindulgent, remember the following two points:

First, if the child can do something, let them do it. You should not fight to do it. Second, when the child makes a mistake, we should correct them. In the process of correction, try to be gentle and firm. When seriousness is needed, be serious. But remind the child to say the solution, not just say no or that it’s wrong. Otherwise, the child will not progress.

How should parents deal with young children who are overly addicted to cell phone games?

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Source: Family Dynamic, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Hypnotherapist, Wong Shi Ming

Phones emit light and sound, which always attracts children to play endlessly. Some children cannot let go of their phones no matter what they are doing, whether it is eating, riding in a car, or going to school. How can parents solve this problem?

First of all, everyone should understand that the children’s reaction is inevitable. Phones can provide a lot of sensory stimulation, and there is no game over. It can be restarted, which gives a sense of accomplishment and can also distance children from the pressure and frustration of parents and school, making them feel invincible. Physiologically speaking, playing electronic games will release a large amount of dopamine in the brain, which excites and stimulates the frontal lobe, and gradually loses self-control. Therefore, many adults cannot control themselves, let alone children?

Children can also be drawn to phones without realizing it, which gives most parents in Hong Kong nightmares today. I see many parents and children caught in a never-ending cycle of struggle and frustration. If not controlled, it not only affects children’s learning but also seriously affects their focus, brain development, health, and eye diseases. Therefore, phone addiction will also be listed as a form of psychological addiction, like alcohol and drugs.

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In fact, I have seen a middle school student addicted to playing the mobile game “PUBG,” where he had to pick up items on the ground, some of which could be booby-trapped and explode. What caused him to be hospitalized? He was unable to use his hands to hold objects; instead, he had to touch them lightly, which caused him to feel nervous. He was afraid of using his fingers to pick up things. Therefore, if you discover such a problem, you can handle it early and prevent situations like the one above from happening.

Parents have more experience, wisdom, and resources than their children, and you can’t lose as a parent. Your only weakness is that you love your child too much. You may be too soft-hearted, but you need to know that it’s easy to give but hard to take it back. Therefore, parents should first negotiate a reasonable and feasible plan with their children, such as allowing 30 minutes of playtime per day, but only after they finish their homework.

As for controlling children, parents should first choose an appropriate battlefield, avoiding public places, and the best place is at home. Even when taking the phone away, parents should try to avoid physical contact, such as snatching or unplugging the phone cord, which could harm the relationship with their child. Parents should first use a gentle and affirmative tone to warn their child multiple times. If the child still refuses to hand over the phone, remind him of the consequences he agreed to, and eventually, when he falls asleep, you will be able to retrieve it. But parents must firmly execute the consequences without any room for negotiation, even if it means resorting to negative strategies.

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To provide a more positive approach, parents can offer opportunities for their children to engage in outdoor activities together and create a family environment that gives children options, a sense of achievement, and a chance to start over, building their confidence and abilities, all of which can help attract children away from their phones.

Finally, many parents worry that if their child doesn’t have a phone while other children do, it could lead to feelings of inadequacy and concerns about falling behind in their development. So, I know it’s not possible to keep kids away from phones completely, but I think parents should try to keep their kids away from phones for as long as possible, especially when they’re young.

At the same time, parents should be careful and not take this issue lightly. With enough creativity and interaction with their children and by remaining persistent, parents can change their children’s habits.

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Parents Zone

Why don’t children want to do homework ?


Source: Senior Parenting Education Expert, Bally

After school every day, asking children to sit down and do homework is like sending them to war. Usually, there are several reasons why children do not like or do not want to do their homework. How can parents help their children?

First, they really do not know how to do it. How can we tell if they really don’t know how to do it? I have found that many children go home and find that 80% of the homework requires parent guidance, so they can’t handle it on their own and naturally wait for their parents to come home. From the parents’ perspective, they will feel that their children do not want to do homework.

Second, the child actually understands how to do the homework 80% of the time, but they actually want their parents to accompany them, so they will fight for time with their parents. Once the parents are together, they pretend not to understand. In fact, they are not trying not to understand but are unconsciously hoping for their parents to accompany them and do homework together.

Third, they may be too tired. The parents may not have given the children a proper schedule, causing them to do homework in an unfavorable state, which is why they don’t want to do it.

If the child does not understand how to do the homework at first, the parents should communicate effectively with the school. If the school is willing to adjust the level of homework to suit the child, the parents won’t have to worry about the level difference. If the child doesn’t like doing homework, over time they will dislike going to school and eventually lose motivation to learn. Therefore, we must communicate with the school to see if they can give him some easier homework so that the child can enjoy the process of doing homework.

If the school is unable to cooperate, then the parents need to think about how to guide from the sidelines. Let the child gradually take some courses that start from easy to difficult on weekends, or give some words that the child can recognize, or through some games, let the child understand and slowly enjoy doing homework.

In fact, the biggest concern in the education sector is that students have already resisted learning, resisting going to school, and resisting doing homework. So we must seriously face the reasons why children are unwilling to do homework. Some children love to stick with their parents, but what do most parents do with their children when they get home now in our society? It’s doing homework; this is their only parent-child time. If the only parent-child time is not good or pleasant, it will cause many problems in the family or marriage.

If the child does not want to do homework and just wants to wait for the parents, the parents can play with and accompany the child while doing homework. You can read a book or do something similar to homework near the child, such as bringing work home to do, to make the child feel like you are accompanying them and both of you are doing something.

A worrying situation is when many parents say, “Okay, you do it; I’ll be here,” but in reality, they are watching TV, using their phone, or playing games. This makes the child feel that you are not really accompanying them and that you are not doing the same thing. Even if the child knows how to do most of it, it is preferable for the parent to spend some time watching him or her do it rather than doing something else. Continuously complimenting him/her while watching: “Good job; you can really do it!” gives more praise, which is the best approach.

If the child reaches the end of the K3 school term, they have already grown up and are quite independent. Parents may believe, “They are so big now, I shouldn’t go with them to do their homework anymore.” But in reality, parents should have a schedule in place for their children to follow from a young age. For example, when the child comes home from school, they need to take a break, have a snack, and play for a while. After maybe half an hour or 45 minutes, it’s time for homework.

In K1 and K2, parents can accompany their child while they do homework. But when they reach K3, parents can use a reward system. For example, “If I come home from work today and see that you have finished your homework, I will give you a sticker.” “If you are well-behaved and take a bath after finishing your homework, I will give you another sticker.” Give the child a schedule to follow and reward them with stars or hearts for each sticker they earn. On the child’s schedule, if they accumulate enough stars in a week, the mother should make some promises, such as going to the park. The rewards are best for parent-child activities, not toys, gifts, or candy.

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Let your child learn to face failure

Written by: Director of Curriculum and Training, Financial Education Association

Mr. Kwan Hin Bun

In many cases, the biggest blow to a child is not the failure itself, but his or her understanding of the failure. For example, if a child is not selected to represent the school in an inter-school competition, the usual reason they think of is that they are not as good as their classmates. But there may be other reasons behind it. Maybe the teacher is worried that if he gets hurt, he won’t be able to represent the school in other more important competitions. This is not to teach children to avoid responsibility, but sometimes we need to make them understand that it is indeed their own factors that lead to failure.

Parents need to remind their children that anyone who starts something will always have difficulty. Parents should encourage their children to persevere to the end, without taking the requirement of perfection too seriously. Don’t be impatient to provide help to your child; let them try to meet the challenge in a different way. For example, if your child has difficulty learning to write Chinese characters, let him or her copy them first.

As children, their attitudes toward people and things around them are often unstable and easily influenced by emotions and other factors. When faced with difficulties and failures, they tend to develop negative emotions and fail to deal with failures with the right attitude, thus creating resilience. At this time, parents should tell their children in time, failure is not terrible, as long as a little brave can do a good job, learn from the failure to see how to do next time. Parents should consciously use their children’s failures as educational opportunities to guide their children to regain their courage and try again with boldness and confidence. At the same time, educate your child to face difficulties and setbacks, to improve the ability to overcome difficulties and resilience.

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In life, no one can remain unbeaten for a long time, like China’s “hurdle king” Liu Xiang who also lost in the London Olympics. Only those who are brave enough to face failure will have the chance to show their smiles of success again.

Parents should know how to teach their children to be brave in the face of failure, because no one is always successful in life. We understand from childhood that “failure is the mother of success”, so there is nothing to be afraid of when we face up to failure. However, if we look at our understanding of this statement, we should focus on “success” rather than “failure”, so that our recognition of failure is still conditional. When failure is no guarantee of future success, Failure, is still a shame and a sin. Therefore, parents must be clear about whether they are teaching their children to face failure or to avoid it!

Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

Written by : Founder of Family Dynamics
Marriage and Family Therapist 
Children Play Therapist           Ng Yee Kam
In recent play therapy cases, several of the children’s emotional problems were related to their young siblings’ relationship. Most of these problems were not caused by major arguments, but rather by subtle interactions in which each child was seeking the mother’s attention, comparing how much positive feedback they received from each other, and comparing who the mother “loved” more! Children often fight with each other because they are jealous of their siblings and take the opportunity to vent their frustrations.

It is true that everyone is “biased” and so are parents. Both inborn and nurtured personalities can lead to a preference for certain behaviors and behavioral patterns. If parents do not think about this, they will not suddenly become more open-minded because their children are their own.

Parents may be more appreciative of certain traits and more resistant to certain traits in their children’s different personalities. This is understandable. The problem is that parents must be aware of this situation and be aware of it and allow themselves to grow beyond the narrow framework of their parental role, increase the breadth and width of their own vision, learn to appreciate the differences in their children’s personalities, and appreciate their children’s unique strengths from the bottom of their hearts, and pass them on in their daily lives so that their children can receive them and affirm themselves. This will prevent the problem of sibling rivalry from worsening and causing unnecessary jealousy and suspicion in children.

The mother’s role is especially important during the early years of a child’s life because the quality of the mother’s interaction with the child has a critical impact on the child’s self-worth and sense of security. In these recent cases, it was not uncommon to find that the children had a sibling in the family who was cheerful, understanding, and liked to express herself, and was well liked by adults and teachers. I could see the mother’s joy and pride when describing her child. No wonder the children in these cases often felt compared to the others because they were more introverted, reticent, shy and cautious.

One mother was aware of the need to appreciate her son’s abilities, so she kept praising him, but in terms of character, she inadvertently encouraged her son to follow her sister’s example by expressing himself more and integrating into the group. However, this is not the nature of the child’s character and makes the child suspect that there must be something wrong with his or her character that cannot be accepted by the mother. This internal pain can easily turn into jealous emotions towards the elder sister, making the parents feel that the child’s attitude towards his/her sister is unreasonable, and further preventing the child from breaking out of this negative cycle.

I suggest that parents should not compare their children. For children who are more introverted, shy, reticent and cautious, they should be more reassuring: ” You do not need to force yourself to play with children like your brother, you quietly observe is already a kind of participation, when you feel at ease then go out to play is not too late. Or, “Not every child needs to be as talkative as their elder sister or like to perform in front of people; Mom likes it when you can express yourself as you see fit. “

For children who are more reactive and impulsive, listen to them first and then help them correct their behavior if it is safe to do so: “You are reacting so strongly to hit your brother, you must feel very angry inside, let me hear how you feel, okay? Sometimes parents do have to deal with their children “fighting for something,” but more often than not, what parents need to do is to meet their children’s psychological and emotional needs and affirm their true nature, so that their children can naturally get along well.

3 big tricks to let young children know the emotions & improve their social skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Mother, Miss Carley
Since children are only about two or three years old, their knowledge of the world will become deeper and deeper, teaching them to understand emotions can help them express their feelings and encourage them to put themselves in the position of understanding the feelings of others, thereby enhancing their social skills.
Tip 1: Parents and children watch cartoons together
Parents can watch more cartoons with their children. Often, the expressions of the characters in these cartoons are exaggerated so that children can identify the emotions and feelings of the characters and ask them about their reasons and solutions. Parents and children watching stories and the storytelling process, in fact, can also ask children to replace the characters in the story and think about what they feel.
For example, in the story of the three little pigs, parents can ask their children, “If you are a little pig and your house is blown down, how would you feel?” If you were the big pig and your house was not blown down, how would you feel? This allows them to put themselves in other people’s shoes more often.
Tip 2: Put yourself in their shoes
In daily life, parents can also try to grasp the opportunity to let their children know that their behavior will affect the feelings of others. For example, when a child does something bad or misbehaves, ask him, “What do you think about mommy’s emotions right now? It turns out that mommy is angry, so they know that their behaviors affect others.
Tip 3: Ask your child to keep a diary of daily events
Parents can also try to ask their children to draw or write down the events of each day in a diary, and how they feel about themselves or others, to deepen their emotional awareness.
Further, parents can teach their children that there are different levels of feelings and emotions. For example, happy can be a little happy, very happy, or super happy. Parents can also play simple games with their children, such as asking them at a theme park, “Are you a little happy, very happy, or super happy?” If you are a little happy, take one step; if you are very happy, take two steps; and if you are super happy, take three steps. Let the children know more about these emotions.

Three characteristics to let you know whether you are a “monster parent”?

Written by: Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

　　　       Dr Tik Chi-yuen

Although parenting is a natural duty, it is not “inborn to take duty”. Previously, I discussed with senior government officials the current difficulties of parents and how to effectively promote parent education.During the discussion, we all felt that parent education should be strengthened because parents are becoming more and more “monsterized”, resulting in high pressure on parents and heavy burden on children.

If parents want to determine whether they are “monster parents”, they can assess in three aspects.

  • First，are you always worried about your child losing at the starting line, so you ask your child to learn more and practice more?
  • Second, do you often worry about your children doing wrong, afraid that they face failure, so give children a variety of protection?
  • Third, do you often feel stressed by your children’s studies and daily life, worrying that your children will not do well in everything, so you are emotionally disturbed?

One of the problems with “monster parents” is that they focus too much on their children’s performance, especially in terms of academics and grades. In fact, there are more important things we should be concerned about, and that is the parent-child relationship. Parents and children are meant to have a mutual emotional relationship, not a ministry relationship. In the family, we talk more about love and affection rather than dictations, tests, and exams. Having a good parent-child relationship is the cornerstone of healthy growth for our children.

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